Saturday, July 25, 2009

Playgroup conversations

As a stay at home dad I often get asked, especially by wives, what the hell do you guys talk about. I get it all the time. My sister, my wife, just about every mother I know asks that question. It seems that many can't imagine what 15 guys talk about when we get together when we are surrounded by future presidents and award winning cancer curing scientists. Well, they aren't that yet but we all have high expectations. My kid in particular. I've her slotted for Ruler Over All. I am hoping that she will let me live in a sweet villa beside the ocean. And I get free steak. That would be awesome.

Do you guys talk about breast feeding? About potty training? About snot and poop? It's like they have a hard time imagining that a bunch of guys, as manly as we are, talk about these things. And I can't blame them. Their experience with men has routinly been guys trying to get into their pants. Including their experiences with us. Except we succeeded. Go us. And now we are stay at home dads with the children to prove our smoothness.

But c'mon, we aren't always ruled by whats south of the border. We have bigger interests than just that. I know a lot of our wives read this sight to see what's going on with thier kids and check up on their husbands. So let me put it all to rest, let's answer that question once and for all. What do we talk about at playgroup when it's just us and the kids? So here's what we talk about.

That chick at the grocery store.
That chick at the gas station.
That chick at the mailbox.
That chick that had to be at least 21.
That chick with that thing at that place.

Potty training.

That chick at Blockbuster getting that romantic comedy.
That chick that looked at me all sexy like when I pulled up to her at the stoplight.
That chick who I bet is wearing a thong.
That chick who found my kid lost at the grocery store.
That chick who was in the swing waiting for her boyfriend.

Finding the right preschool.

That chick at the gym.
That chick that looked like she went to the gym.
That chick in that commercial.
That chick on that TV show.
That chick who was in the commercial and the TV show.

Diaper rash.

That chick who was walking her dog as we came to playgroup.
That chick that was crossing the street as we came to playgroup.
That chick that was doing yard work as we came to playgroup.
That chick that was doing jumping jacks by her car as we came to playgroup.
That chick with the jogging stroller that we passed as we came to playgroup.

The difficulties of breast feeding.

That chick that was all greasy underneath the hood of her car in the short cutoffs.
Those chicks that were in a full out pillow fight at the slumber party.
That chick that was eating that Popsicle.
That chick in the nurses outfit.
The fact that none of those things were scene but it would have been cool if they were.

How to make a quilt for ever lasting memories.

Princes Leah.
Princes Leah and her hair buns.
Princes Leah and her gold bikini.
Princes Leah and her hair buns and her gold bikini and how she seems to like fat guys.
Princes Leah and fat guys and what might be her home phone number.

Recipes for losing weight or becoming an interstellar smuggler.

That chick who reads this blog.
That chick who will no longer talk to us.
That chick who thinks we are a bunch of disgusting jagoffs but yet bad boy sexy.
That chick who thinks that she can fix us.
That chick who wishes we drove a motorcycle with a carseat on the back because that would be cool.


That chick at the zoo.
That chick at Shatto Milk Company.
That chick at the civil war battlefield.
That chick at the Library.
That chick on the hiking trail.

The best way to put in a carseat.

There you go. That's just about all that we talk about. I hope that I have shown our wives that yes, we can be a little neanderthal at times, but underneath all of that is a caring husband who has a nurturing side. Someone that doesn't just think unpure thoughts all day like it is rumored that men do. Someone that can cook you a kick ass dinner and make sure that the kids aren't jumping off the roof.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go sleep on the couch for a couple of days until that chick at the flower shop hooks me up and gets me those roses.


  1. Gee thanks. How am I going to spin this one!

  2. Shannon:

    Don't forget to mention conversations and Dad's Night Out as well. I remember one of the first DNO's. It was at sports bar. It was pretty loud so you had to almost shout to be heard. There was quite a bit head turning from the 'chicks' at the table next to us and the 'chick' delivering beer to the table as the word 'NIPPLE' kept getting tossed around.

    Of course the conversation was about bottle nipples.... What size were you using and when to up size. Also, there was a great bit of advice to increase the bore of the nipple to allow you to add a bit of cereal to the formula and night to increase the odds of the little guys sleeping through the night.


  3. "future presidents and cancer curing scientists"

    Interesting that you can't imagine them being future stay at home moms/dads. Why not?