Sunday, January 3, 2010

Home Defense!

By Mr. Rogers

Ahhh, Snow bound. Outside the snow is piled up in drifts up to 18 inches, but inside it is cosy and warm. The pantry is stocked, Christmas cookies are plentiful, and the children have plenty of new amusements to keep them busy and happy. Everything was perfect until...
"You need to shovel the driveway", she says. "Do we really need to?" I ask (Surely it will melt eventually). "We need to be able to get out", says my perfect and practical wife. Okay, I suppose she is right. But as I head to get my coat and hat, it occurs to me that if we are able to get out then "THEY" will be able to get in.

I am talking about the hungry hoards. The hundreds of people who unwisely chose to ignore the forecasts and did nothing to prepare for current house bound conditions. Our well stocked home will be an irresistible target. A clear driveway would simply announce that this is a well prepared, well stocked home ripe for the picking.

Visions of the cold and hungry mobs roaming the streets to prey upon those of us who had the wisdom to prepare for the worst filled my mind. My wife was right we should have a way out but adequate defenses must be raised to prepare for the inevitable attacking hoards.

I knew that on my own I could easily defend two, if not three, sides of my home from attack, but that would not be enough. Mrs. Rogers had no stomach for combat and as such could only be relied on to provide material support and to assist the wounded from within the home. To whom could I turn for assistance in the coming conflict. I needed individuals who in battle would be vicious, relentless, and possess that touch of cruelty that is sadly necessary in war. My little minions were the obvious choice.

Being only children they could not openly take on the enemy and hope to over come them. But they didn't need to destroy our foes, only harrass them for I had yet another ally in this battle. The bane of armys far greater than any I would face.... winter itself. It would be my most valuable ally. If we could but survive the siege then the winter would do the rest (starving and freezing them into submission). But my little minions would need a fortress from which to engage the enemy. It should have thick walls, and a underground bunker in which seek refugee. It should be tall, as the higher ground always has the advantage. And it would be made out of the most available resource I had handy.... Snow!

So what did you all make with your kids in the snow this Christmas?