Saturday, March 14, 2009

Movie Review: The Watchman

I walked out of this movie not sure if I liked it or not. Then I remembered the nude scene halfway through and decided yes, I would see this movie again just because of that.

The Plot: It's a pretty complicated plot so I'll simplify it for you a little bit. The movie is set in the 1980's in a world where Richard Nixon is still president. But don't pay attention to that as it really has nothing to do with the movie. There is a lot of stuff in this movie like that. There is an impending showdown between the good old US of A and Russia and nuclear war seems to be inevitable. During this, a superhero gets murdered and some of his old superhero pals are trying to figure out the evil plot that brought this all on. Don't get bogged down to much in the details, you'll only get a headache. But here's your first twist: turns out that murdered superhero was a massive dick and the hits just keep rolling from there. His pals appear to be reminents of an old superhero team from the 1940's who were first known as the Minutemen. They (or thier decendants) are now known as The Watchmen. However, they are all retired because it is illegal to be a superhero.

But here is something you should know: no one, with one exception, appears to have any super powers. Dr. Manhatten (the blue dude) is the only one with powers. The rest just appear able to kick alot of ass.

What's good about it: For guys, this is a pretty good movie. The violence is way over the top complete with some 1980's style gore, like Vorhee's type gore. That's always a plus in my book for a guy movie. There are some pretty catchy one liners, especially by a guy named Rorschach. He's the guy with the creepy changing mask in the previews. He's a bad ass, no doubt but his only special power seems to be able to make his mask change around. I would also say that the special effects in this movie kick pretty good ass too. It's well done--big explosions, cool looking graphics and body parts hanging from a ceiling. Nice. But above all, the reason you should see this: The nude scene. Ms. Jupiter is hot and we all voted that she has the best ass we have seen in a scene in a long time. She gets it on with one of the guys in a flying ship thing. As the two characters were going into the ship, I leaned to one of our members that went to see it with me and said "I bet they have sex." Sure it was a joke, a joke of a immature mind, but that's what happens when guys go out together. Sure enough, they knocked one out that was worthy of Skinamax at 3:00am. It. Was. Awesome.

What's bad about this movie: There is a lot of blue penis in this movie. Seriously, it's everywhere. Not a big fan of the blue penis. In one scene, there were 3 blue penises. I know that it supposed to show the indifference of Dr. Manhatten (again, the blue dude) to the trivialities of the human race, but it's still a 30 foot blue penis. Put a cod piece on man. There's also a fair amount of cheese in this movie. Some crap lines, bad costumes, etc. I just didn't buy the hawk guy because his costume was pretty crap. There is also a smart guy who wears some metal headband. The whole movie I just wanted to rip it off. Finally, and get ready for it, this is a very, very long movie. 2 hours and 47 minutes--bring a coke bottle to pee in. Although I will give credit that I wasn't hoping it was ending soon. However, make sure you tell your wife that you will be gone A LONG TIME when you see this one. And with that said, chances are that our mature wives will hate this movie, very much so, don't bring her. Unless of course she wants you to go see the next Hugh Grant flick, then this is some sweet revenge.

Best line: "You don't seem to get it. I'm not locked in here with all of you. All of you are locked in here with me." That was Eastwood worthy, totally bad ass.

Worst part of the movie: Most of the movie you will be thinking: Who the fuck are these guys and why should I care? Also, I was not a big fan when Ms. Jupiter puts her costume back on. And the blue penis. However, and score this one the way you want it, Ms. Jupiter has some camel toe in her costume. That's all I'm saying.

Is It Worth it: For a bunch of guys having a rebel night out, I would say hell yes. There are plot holes, it's long and some of the costumes are total crap. But then again, so was Predator and that movie rocked. Great guy flick: B+

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